Checking your relationship

 

Checking your relationship.

Have you realised for some time now that maybe it’s time you had a good conversation?  A conversation where the negativity, even if it’s not that much, and your own thoughts and ideas are central. In order to deepen your relationship and to grown closer on a certain level.

Or…... Have you been living together for some time and are you starting to get annoyed by those things you thought were cute at first? That nonchalance, that boldness or maybe that independence, the non-decision making or always asking your opinion. Does one of you not realize that live and a relationship is about growth and not about maintaining some old lifestyle?
Are you a little bit afraid that you’re going to grow apart over time and that your relationship is going to end?

Or……. Is there talk of a real backlog of maintenance?

And here I mean that, after a number or maybe many years together, you’ve come to the conclusion that you’re really living together as strangers.

You both lead your own lives and togetherness is hard to find and costs a lot of effort to maintain. Maybe you or both of you thought ‘Why are we even still together?’ or ‘Life could be so much easier if I were able to lead my own life’. ‘Do we still really love each other or is even living together companionably a challenge?’

Or……Maybe another person has caught your eye and you’ve carefully, or not so carefully, gone outside of your relationship.

 

But how to broach such a subject and how to practically organize such a conversation?
You must realize that what you see is what you see. A lot of ideas about for example a husband or wife having an affair, is based on what you think you see. Talking with colleges, making  jokes or some fun, even sometimes dinner together for business, does not mean the husband or wife has an affair.
It is your fantasy which gives the load at what you see.
Ask yourself  ‘What makes a good relationship?’ And is your idea still based on old girls-movies or is it an grownup idea about real friendship, openness and trust?

When starting a discussion about what you think what is happening, the subject has to be screened before very honestly. What you think what is happening, is this just fantasy of your own, or is there really an occasion that proves your ideas are right.

During the conversation, you have to take care that you make clear that what you tell is only what you think there is happening. It is what you feel and the only thing you ask is to discuss about how it comes you feel like this.
An open discussion, not attack because that means defend what means attack what means defend…. And a war has born.

Openness is one of the most important rules, if you ask yourself ‘What makes a good relationship’.

 

 

 

 


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