Relationship and communication

Relationship and communication

Are you a quick thinker?
Or do you notice yourself that it takes a lot of effort to let the other person finish?
Are you also at the Edge of your seat if you think you already know the outcome of a plea or story?
Don’t you regularly find out, if you’re honest with yourself, that the final conclusion of the speaker turned out to be different to what you thought it would be?

Listening and paying attention when doing so is truly the only way of being present during a conversation whilst not speaking. Take it upon yourself to only be present during a conversation in this way starting now.
Difficult!! Just you wait and see…

Why difficult? Because we learned from the beginning of our life we have to win, to survive. It means you have to be the stronger one, you have to take the role as the leader, no discussion but convince. You have to be the one who talks. The other one has to listen, has to follow, has to agree with your view. You have to be the winner, the other one has to agree or will be the enemy.

This is war, this is not  conversation, nor communication.
To communicate  at the level of understanding each other, we need rules, agreements. A good example you can find in a courtroom. To get all items clear there are strict rules. It means if somebody, a prosecutor or a lawyer  tells his view about the situation the other attendees just listen.
Without  rules it will be impossible  to get a clear view about the lawsuit.

So to get a clear communication  in your relationship you need rules, agreements, too.Perhaps it would be a good idea to insert a chapter about communication-agreements in the wedding-contract.
A contract in a contract.

Maybe it seems childish to make a contract about ‘talking with your partner.’It ís  important, because it brings home to you where relationships go wrong and it gives you a very strong resource to correct any possible errors. Correct yourself and let yourself be corrected without rancour if you don’t manage to keep to the agreements.
Being corrected doesn’t mean that you’re seen as less, it only means that you have difficulties abiding by that part of the agreement.

In such a case, correcting is a form of positive criticism.
Leeringly accuse one another of  ‘not keeping to the rules’  is a childish, immature game.

 

 

 


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